The Official Fanfiction University of YYH
by Serenader and Kowareta
Summary: The Official Fanfiction University of Yu Yu Hakusho plans to wipe out the plague of bad fan fiction where it starts—the writers. Meet Aubrey, rabid obsessive fan and troll writer. Here she learns the true meaning of the phrase “Learning Through Pain.”


**The Official Fan Fiction University of Yu Yu Hakusho**

By: Lady Serenader and Mistress Kowareta

Summary: The Official Fanfiction University of Yu Yu Hakusho plans to wipe out the plague of bad fan fiction where it starts—the writers. Meet Aubrey, rabid obsessive fan, troll-writer. She learns the true meaning of the phrase "Learning Through Pain."

Disclaimer: OFUM (Official Fanfiction University of Middle-earth) is the creation of Miss Cam. However, Mistress Kowareta and Lady Serenader received permission from Miss Cam to starttheir own OFU for YuYu Hakusho because our fandom needs a good wallop or two. YuYu Hakusho is the brainchild of Yoshihiro Togashi, creator of HunterxHunter. This is not, I repeat, this is not the same OFU that 'The Great Hooble' created. Please do not confuse ours with hers.

---

_It is the dark of space. Darker than space. Darker than dark. And it stretches on forever, across the span of thought. It is the beginning of all things; it is the end of all things. Pretty little flashes of creation, or ugly marks of destruction dot the darkness and are soon pulled together_—_a mesh of sparks. _

_But it is not true darkness. It's only as dark as the darkest thing you can imagine, and what people imagine can be pretty dark. However, those same flashes of creation, and those same marks of destruction push people forward_—_push them to see past the darkness. _

_Here, where the dark is silent, worlds are created. _

_They bubble up, thought after thought, and create yet more worlds. One thought later and they pop, small pieces of dreams and hopes and love tumbling ever-upwards following the great spiral of an eternal vision. One more thought and worlds bubble up, bubble up, just like thoughts. _

_And there are some thoughts that can simply kill a world. But it's not just any death, it's not the swift blow of annihilation, it doesn't just let a world fade, it doesn't die slowly. There are thoughts that disease worlds…_

---

Aubrey Dean stared blearily at her computer monitor. She'd just had a brilliant idea.

"Wouldn't it be wonderful if I paired Hiei with my original character?"

Aubrey was a smart girl. She knew she couldn't write; she didn't believe she had the talent for it. However, after an introduction to certain people who wrote just as badly as she did on a certain website, she decided to write fan fiction. She opted to see just how much _worse_ she could write and _still _get their approval. There was an art to it, actually.

See, just writing your heart into your work wasn't enough. You had to write in your heart, your head, your sweat, your tears, and if you were really good, the drool you got when you thought a certain way about a certain character.

The sweat really got to people. It was kind of repulsive and smelly. But that was part of the art. You had to get people to see past the sweat, or to _think_ that they can see something past it.

She got people to love her own drool. And it was _art_.

She murmured to herself, "And then Hiei entangled the female demon in his arms…"

She paused a moment, as did the sounds of typing.

"How do you spell 'entangled?' '_I-N-T-A-N-G-A-L-D?_' Okay!"

And the sheer amount of gushing, glowing reviews she had received over her first two months was astounding. She had seven two-paged three-chaptered stories and over seventy reviews—none of them negative. Aubrey _was_ a smart girl, but she had a terrible habit of actually taking herself _seriously. _

To her, nothing was more important than her own fics, nothing mattered more than her favorite pairings, and nothing—absolutely nothing—mattered more than her favorite canon character. Anything that wasn't her fanfiction, fanfiction she liked, or fanfiction that glorified her favorite character, wasn't worth her time. So she'd flame people for even writing something different. After all, it wasn't as if they _mattered. _

Aubrey continued to stare at her screen ignoring all the red squiggly marks in her word document. There was a thing called "punctuation," but Aubrey hadn't heard of it. And there was a thing called "grammar," but Aubrey spelled it with an 'e.'

But there was something a little more than just off about her. You could see she was more than just a fanfiction writer. Fanfiction writers are, by definition, hopelessly corrupt. Fanfiction writers taint worlds with their words, but Aubrey was something a little more twisted. A little more sinister. A little more tainted. There was something in her so inherently and indescribably _wrong_ that by just looking at her could send other fanfiction writers into a terrible, terrible torment.

She was a Hiei fangirl.

The dark-haired girl stretched for a moment, then checked her e-mail. She had one new message.

Sender: BITS

Subject Title: I like your fanfiction.

Aubrey grinned and clicked on the 'OPEN' button.

And then the world became nothing but a world of darkness that was darker than dark…

---

Mistress Ko paced back and forth in the office she shared with Lady Ren. She was currently stressing out about the increase of fangirl authors in the Yu Yu Hakusho fandom. Ever since the old University shut down due to an unknown cause (though Lady Ren hardly called it unknown, she was fixed on the idea that a few of "them Mary Sue-killing, grammar-worshipping, bleach-drinking canon fanatics" visited the university once and immediately had it shut down due to the lack of discipline, but headquarters instantly squashed out that rumor), the population of netspeaking, misspelling, grammar-abusing authors nearly went through the roof.

Lady Ren sat on her desk playing with a yo-yo, though she didn't really have much luck with it. She glanced at her colleague and rolled her eyes.

"You're going to wear a hole in the ground if you constantly do this. Our budget isn't really that big, just so you know."

Mistress Ko rolled her eyes at the Asian woman.

"Nonsense."

Lady Ren shrugged at the brown-haired woman's curt response and resumed her attempt at trying to successfully play with a yo-yo. After a few more minutes of Ko's determined strides and Lady Ren's fumbles, the Asian snarled suddenly and threw the yo-yo into a nearby wastebasket.

The taller woman had watched and remarked, "That was a waste."

Ren stuck her tongue out.

"Term is about to start and we don't have _any _students," said Mistress Ko, stressing out again.

Mistress Ko was a champion stressor. Put her in any kind of crowd anywhere and she could stress people out in minutes. She believed in sharing feelings. She believed that if you're angry and confused, the best thing to do was to make everyone _else_ angry and confused. That way you have _some_ type of control over the situation.

"We have no system of retrieval, and I don't like the old University's method. It should be more _painful_. I'm _all_ for nasty shocks. What are we going to do?"

Ren watched her co-coordinator with an amused expression before answering.

"I have absolutely no clue."

Ren was less excitable than her companion. While Mistress Ko would snarl and lunge at you with all claws extended if she got angry, Lady Ren would carefully circle around the back and bite you behind the knees. That way she didn't risk getting in the line of fire and her opponent would then suddenly become shorter than her. Or at the very least, closer to the ground.

Mistress Ko sighed at Lady Ren.

The Asian woman shrugged again.

"You could try asking your friend, Roni-cat..."

The taller woman twitched involuntarily. So did Lady Ren.

"And we should probably get working on that Welcome to the University letter for the students…"

The papers and pencils nearby twitched…

---

Roni-cat's 'lair,' as he so liked to call it, was located near the basement of Sarayashiki Jr. High, as Genkai and Mukuro wholeheartedly refused to let him near their own placements. Roni-cat was what you would call… special, which was putting it mildly. Aside from being a lover of all cakes and pies to the extreme, he also enjoyed ruthlessly tearing apart badfic and playing with the mental stability of others. It was a hobby. It passed the time. And generally, passing was time's occupation, which passed time's time.

Usually when one glanced at Roni-cat, he or she (would immediately shriek in agony by his pure evilness and turn into dust) would think he's an ordinary person like himself or herself. However, should one take a closer look at Roni-cat, he or she (would end up with a pencil jammed up their nose) would find that he was not as ordinary as he had seemed. Mind you, he wasn't bad-looking or a demon in disguise—although some of the Yu Yu Hakusho cast did begged to differ. He was actually perfectly normal. It just depended on what your opinion of normal was.

Anyhow, after Lady Ren suggested the idea of going to Roni-cat for help—seeing as he was the Almighty Technician of the OFU—Mistress Ko immediately sent one of the Yu Yu Hakusho cast to her sadistic friend for advice. Normally the co-coordinator would have sent a student to the Almighty Technician (usually for punishment), but since school hadn't started yet, she was forced to send one of the available staff members. And the unfortunate soul in question was none other than the lesser-known character Kuronue, the bat demon.

Roni-cat was right in the middle of sticking his beloved fork into a freshly baked apple pie—still in its foil tin—which he had managed to swipe from the staff refectory when a loud knock threw him off. Being the skittish person that he was, he quickly hid behind his desk, fork still in hand while the knocking persisted.

"Hey, Roni-cat? You there? Can I come in?" asked the recognizable voice of Kuronue.

Roni-cat sighed and got up from his hiding place. With the fork still in his hand, he picked up his pie and deliberately walked slowly over to the door. Opening the door just a crack, he peered out with an eye and asked in a wary voice, "What do you want?"

The demon pushed the door wide enough for Roni-cat to see his face and said, "Mistress Ko sent me. She said to ask whether you had any ideas for a system of retrieval for the prospective students. She also said that she and Ren would be coming in later to check on you."

Roni-cat made a face.

"Okay then. Go tell Mistress Ko that I do have an idea, but I'm eating a pie right now and don't want to be bothered," said Roni-cat rather brusquely and tried to shut the door.

Kuronue, however, had wedged his foot in between the crack, so the door refused to close.

"But that's rather rude," he said looking sternly at Roni-cat. Said person rolled his eyes and opened the door wide enough for the thief to get in.

"Get, then. Come on, I don't have all day, you know."

Kuronue unnoticeably perked at the invitation and carefully walked into the room avoiding empty pie tins and leftover pizza boxes. Roni-cat closed the door almost immediately after his 'guest' entered and fast-paced back over to where his computer and desk was. Wiping some leftover food scraps from the desk, the Almighty Technician of The University pulled a stool seemingly out of nowhere, plopped himself down, and placed his pie down gently.

"So we meet again, Apple Pie. Did you miss me?" he muttered. Roni-cat was slightly cracked. But then again, you had to be if you worked anywhere near the soul-twisting creation of fanfiction. He raised his fork with a smirk, about to stick it into the pie when….

"Did you say something?" asked Kuronue curiously. Surveying the room just before, he could not help overhearing Roni-cat's remark. Roni-cat started a little before scowling at his 'guest.'

"No, I didn't say anything. Now leave me and my pie in peace!"

Kuronue frowned.

"But aren't you going to show me your idea?" he asked.

Roni-cat momentarily considered slamming his head into his desk. He decided not to as he would accidentally squash his beloved pie. Sighing, he pressed the ON/OFF button on his computer screen and beckoned for Kuronue to come over. Beaming slightly, the bat demon made his way over to the desk. Looking around the room once more, he made a comment.

"You know, your room is very messy."

And it was. The walls of the room were painted a light sort of yellow that was chipping off slightly and painted over sloppily in some areas. It also happened to be covered slightly with posters consisting of the rules of grammar and pie. There was a shelf near the door that was completely stuffed with books about world domination, programming, and such. A small worktable, overflowing with paperwork and assorted discarded books, was pushed off to the left side of the room with a lamp for light.

"Yes, yes. Now do you want to see my idea or what? Otherwise, the door's right over there," said the technician irritably. The thief made a face and looked back at the computer screen.

"Now listen up closely. The name is called BITS, or Badfic Intelligent Transfer Service. The objective is to requisition badfic writers to The University, right? Since they're review-whores, the first thing most badfic writers do will be to check their e-mail to see if anybody had sent them a disgustingly gushing review. BITS would be disguised as a review with the subject, 'I like your fanfiction.' However, once BITS is activated, the words "No, wait, I don't," would appear, and the ficcer would be instantly sucked into his or her keyboard or the monitor. You got that?"

Kuronue thought for a moment before asking, "Would it be painful?" Roni-cat looked affronted.

"But of course! Who would I be then?" Kuronue rolled his eyes. "The nerve. Anyway, you're done, right? You've got the message? Good. Now, go. Out."

Without waiting for a response, Roni-cat got up and near-dragged the hapless demon out the door.

The demon's eye twitched and he said, "You know, it's nice of you to escort me and all, but I think I know the way out. Thanks." Roni-cat made a face and closed the door. He then turned back, and one could literally feel the evilness radiate from him.

"Now, Apple Pie, where were we?"

---

Aubrey was hurtling through space-time at the speed of thought. Bubble world after bubble world raced by, streaks of brilliant and beautiful colors battling to keep up. And she was a comet among them, her very own colors trailing behind. It was the happiest and yet the most sorrowful place she had ever been.

She wasn't even afraid. When you've just been sucked through the computer using some software created by a maniacal cat-boy, you have worse problems than passing physically through the planes of imagination.

There! A bright world appeared as her progress slowed. It looked very much like Earth. And it very well could have been. But surely her Earth wasn't this pretty?

_It could be, _a thousand thoughts whispered. _It could be…_

_Er, _thought Aubrey conversationally.

Soon she was rapidly approaching the planet. Faster than light, faster than thought, faster than time. And the atmosphere burned around her, white-hot, blazing heat, burning her eyes, burning her skin…

There came a splash of water.

"Wake up," a voice commanded her. It sounded remarkably familiar. It continued: "You're going to be late for the assembly. And if I were a 'fanfiction writer,' I wouldn't want to be late, seeing as there's _discipline _for that." The voice paused reflectively as if the sentence it had just said sounded very strange to it. It then added politely. "And you're still wearing pajamas."

Aubrey opened her eyes, which took much more effort than she thought ever would. But she didn't like the way the speaker had said 'discipline.' It had sounded suspiciously like a word accompanied by a malicious smile.

When her eyes had opened, she had the biggest shock of her life.

"Argh! My eyes! No! It can't be!"

Kuwabara waited patiently. The writers had been reacting like this all day, and he was getting rather annoyed with it.

"Are you done?" he asked when Aubrey had finished writhing on the ground.

"Gimme a few more seconds, please."

There came another splash of water.

Yusuke knelt beside her.

"First rule," he said, momentarily pausing to reflect on the word 'rule,' "Do Not Annoy, Insult, Or Bother The Canon Characters."

It was neat, the way he talked with capitalized words.

"I think I'm dreaming," Aubrey breathed faintly. Here were Yusuke and Kuwabara, two of the Yu Yu Hakusho characters, right in front of her. Real talking, living, breathing things. Aubrey knew what this meant. Everyone did. She _did_ read fanfiction after all. She'd fallen into the Yu Yu Hakusho world through magic, or a vortex, or a Plothole (whatever _those_ were), and her favorite canon character would become her lover. Simple as that.

There was another splash. Kuwabara had heaved a bucket of water over her.

"Stop thinking that--no, don't give me that look; you _know _that _I _don't read minds--you're here to learn, listen, see, and be…" he paused and thought a minute. "Disciplined."

"Er…" said Aubrey. "Why's that?"

Kuwabara and Yusuke exchanged glances. They shrugged and Yusuke stood up and took a sheet of torn and tattered paper out of his pocket. He unfolded it. Mock-cheerily he read:

"Welcome to the Official Fanfiction University of Yu Yu Hakusho! For those of you unwilling to say its full title, simply call it the OFU of YYH. Or shorter still OFUYYH. Hell, even 'The University' is acceptable."

Yusuke squinted at the next bit.

"Congratulations! As a badfic writer you are fully entitled to benefit from all of the experiences the Official Fanfiction University of Yu Yu Hakusho has to offer. This includes extreme lectures by angry staff members, beatings by the more cruel professors, discussions on realistic anatomy, canon analysis, demonology 101, World Demographics, and so much more!"

Yusuke stared at the paper a moment longer.

"The rest I don't think you want me to read."

"Why not?"

"It kind of breaks up into a bunch of swearing and 'why, gods, why?' And ranting. Lots of ranting. The people who wrote this were very passionate."

"Oh."

Aubrey looked around. She appeared to be at the bottom of Genkai's steps. The trees rustled angrily, as if personally insulted by her arrival. The sun was beaming in the sky and not a cloud drifted above. Yusuke and Kuwabara were standing, looking very real and very alive. It was so quiet and conventional the way everything was just kind of happening. It was so normal-looking, so… not-out-of-the-ordinary. It was…

"She's going to scream isn't she?" Yusuke asked the orange-haired teenager.

Aubrey shrieked.

"Seems that way," Kuwabara told his friend nonchalantly.

The fangirl blacked out.

"And we get to be teachers," Yusuke added conversationally. "We get to yell, suspend, set punishments, and everything." He cracked his knuckles and hit his palm with a fist. He grinned. "I have a feeling I'm going to be Abusing My Authority."

"Professors," corrected the taller boy. "Professors. We're at the top of our profession."

"Which is?"

"I'm not sure yet."

They looked at Aubrey.

Yusuke picked up another bucket of water and splashed her with it. She woke up sputtering.

"Time to go girl," he said. "Time to learn not to mess around with worlds that aren't yours."

---


End file.
